Wednesday, February 27, 2008

One of THOSE days

Some days I am just not sure I am doing this parenting thing right. Should I let her just cry herself back to sleep, or should I go in and hold her? Does he really need to nurse or does he just want to and does it matter? Is it okay to swat her hand when she smacks her brother with a toy or does that totally defeat the purpose? Am I introducing solids too soon? He's so darn skinny and I'm just not sure he's getting enough breastmilk.

I want a little mommy angel on my shoulder to whisper in my ear. This is a dang hard job. I know that loving them is the most important thing, but the worrier in me OFTEN overcomes the peacefulness in me and I reach my limit of times I am able to just let go and say, "Jesus, I Trust in You". I guess that is where God's mercy has to flood in because I am just too weak and all the advice in all the parenting books in the world couldn't make me feel less uncertain during these moments.

I know what you will say, you mommies out there--this is normal, trust my instincts, there is no one right way, follow my heart, etc. etc. etc. But sometimes, I'll be completely honest with you, I just want God to write it on the wall what I'm supposed to do, because I just don't know and I want to run screaming for the hills.

I really thought I would love being a mom more than I do. I love my children wholeheartedly and I believe without a doubt that God has called me to this vocation, and furthermore I do not believe in waiting around thinking it will all be perfect one day. What I think about this situation is that God has presented me with an opportunity to unite myself to Him in these struggles, and what an honor that He trusts me with this particular cross to bear!

I do not feel sad and discouraged every day, or most days. I feel happy a lot. I have SO MUCH JOY at times. But I would be lying to say it comes easily to me, this mommy thing. Today has just been one of those days.


Fr. Matthew Marney said...

Your's doing a great Job Patty!

Christine said...

Patty, your love for you kids shines through your words.

Thank you for such a vulnerable honest post.

Sometimes, I have to think of motherhood as my full time job (not as my vocation, because sometimes that overwhelms me). Like any job there are days when you just want to take a mental-health day...but you can't when you're a mom. It also makes me feel a little better to know that I would have bad days at any job, confusing situations, and frustrating co-workers.

I'm not sure if this is much help, but I'm thinking about you, and know you're not alone. :)

Kate said...

Patty, I second your brother's comment - you are doing a GREAT job!!! God pours out His graces for what He gives us, and you really live that witness to me.

Also, when I have days like that, when I question everything I'm doing (or not doing, for that matter) I think about all the stupid parents out there - Good people who are just clueless and ridiculous. If they can do it, and their kids are doing alright, then I sure as hell can! lol. It makes me smile, at least.

No routine, no standard, no advice is good all the time. You can read every book that's out there and still some days you just don't know. Every day I have at least one thing that makes me go "I dunno, I'm just guessing here." And you know what? Our kids will be fine despite our weaknesses.

"My grace is sufficient" - AMEN! cuz nothing else works... :)