Bedtime

Sometimes I despair of ever being able to actually get into my bed and go to sleep. When it goes like it went last night.

Often as a mom I wonder, "Is this typical? Do most wives/mothers just handle these situations with more grace than myself? Or am I doing something wrong that makes life harder on myself?"

Here's how my attempt to go to bed last night went:

I wanted to go to bed at 10ish. That's usually how it starts; with expectations of normalcy.

That is indeed what time it was by the time everyone was cared for: children, husband, house, etc.

Silly me, I was craving some time to myself that had been previously unattainable until this point when finally everyone else was asleep. So I dwindled away a whole hour on a new-to-me cooking blog. In my defense, it seduced me with its beautiful photography of delicious, unheard of foods, the simple but elegant layout, and funny posts. I was in dreamy kitchen-y heaven for a blessed hour.

Glancing at the clock I realize it is 11. I snap back to reality and get myself off to bed.

I climb into bed and Paul rolls over, pats me, and says something funny in his sleep that is like a puzzle my mind thinks it has to figure out before I can go to sleep.

Frustrated, I throw back the covers, get up, and turn the stereo on as low as it will go, classical station. They are playing some annoying jazz music, not conducive to happy sleepy dreamy time. I decide it is better than nothing and get back into bed. At the end of the song they ask me to send them money. Ok, not better than nothing. I turn it off.

Finally I drift off, several minutes later. I think I got wise and started praying. Should have been my first recourse. Silly Patty.

Joshua starts crying. Exasperated, I throw back the covers. Calming before I reach him, I hold him close and bring him to bed. But, I am trying to move toward sort of night-weaning him, so I stay awake, nursing for 3-4 minutes and then taking him back to his own bed.

Now it is almost midnight. I think I finally fell asleep shortly thereafter, having tried the music once again and shut it off once again after Paul wakes up and asks what that strange noise is.